Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
