I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I could fuck to npr.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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