I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
