dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
