No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
