I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
