I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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