it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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