"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
