Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
