i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
