Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize