i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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