Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
