Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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