he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
