I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
