i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
