They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
