I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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