i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
