i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
