Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize