I'm gonna have a badass scar
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
