she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
