So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize