He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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