Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
