from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
