Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
