I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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