chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm always down for nudity.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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