she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
