enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
