bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
