it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
