We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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