Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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