I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize