my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize