Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
