Can Purell be used as lube?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
