yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
