You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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