It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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