Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
