This is not my ceiling
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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