I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
