WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
