I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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