don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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