I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
