Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ttyl tear gas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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