I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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