I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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