some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry about my life...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize