So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
