I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I just put wine in my tea
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
