if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize