I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
