I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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