can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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