we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
